she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
