Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize