she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
