did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
