they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
