the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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