you have to choose: penises or morals?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
