I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
How's work?
Spinning.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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