You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
