Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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