Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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