Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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