Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
