I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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