I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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