So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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