We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
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I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
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I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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