I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
