Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My feet surprised me
Randomize