bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
