Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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