This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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