That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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