my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
