i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
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