you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize