it's too hot outside to masturbate.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
