im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
