Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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