as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
im having a threesome with these popsicles
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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