Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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