I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Randomize
