i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
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I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
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He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?