I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight