Texts From Last Night

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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..

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  (215): I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere.. http://tfl.nu/8h2a
  Replies (13) Good night (850) Bad night (1516)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill

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  (832): I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill http://tfl.nu/19kp
  Replies (3) Good night (744) Bad night (2211)
• Favorite

  (627): View more from California

  his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.

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  (627): his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting. http://tfl.nu/tvd6
  Replies (46) Good night (1286) Bad night (4445)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  then i met college

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  (781): when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton (781): then i met college http://tfl.nu/kd7x
  Replies (17) Good night (6411) Bad night (887)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime

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  (918): We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime http://tfl.nu/yqbs
  Replies (24) Good night (4303) Bad night (1102)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work

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  (208): I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work http://tfl.nu/ffxc
  Replies (20) Good night (1920) Bad night (3280)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.

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  (616): I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood. http://tfl.nu/i8nf
  Replies (9) Good night (4780) Bad night (1117)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.

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  (616): Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death. http://tfl.nu/ogc4
  Replies (9) Good night (2078) Bad night (557)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke

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  (608): you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke http://tfl.nu/n0vk
  Replies (3) Good night (1039) Bad night (522)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!

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  (714): I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!! http://tfl.nu/1fo4
  Replies (7) Good night (510) Bad night (1266)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow

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  (612): SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow http://tfl.nu/34f4
  Replies (3) Good night (1085) Bad night (431)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.

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  (+61): I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING. http://tfl.nu/8crd
  Replies (1) Good night (745) Bad night (394)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways

  (425): View more from Washington

  so just a regular conversation then

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  (412): It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways (425): so just a regular conversation then http://tfl.nu/ie13
  Replies (0) Good night (571) Bad night (362)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."

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  (717): He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night." http://tfl.nu/3ltw
  Replies (2) Good night (822) Bad night (291)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.

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  (405): Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe. http://tfl.nu/6c5y
  Replies (0) Good night (339) Bad night (520)

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