party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
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After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
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I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?