we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Did I show you my penis last night?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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