Whoa Z and x make the same sound
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Randomize
