Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
