I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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