it was like eating out sand paper
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
