Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
