I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I love having hate sex.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
