You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
