Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
