i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
