Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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