Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
