It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
