You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
