you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
