sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
