did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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