I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
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I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
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Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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