I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
