so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
