I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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