I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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