Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
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He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
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But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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