All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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