The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
