So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
me + whiskey = a bad person
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
